La La Lie
by shehasnotime
Summary: Brooke and Lucas try to explain to their five year old daughter where babies come from, using Barbie and Ken as their prime example. AU one shot


**AN: Eek, I've been in such a writing rut the past few months. I tried to update IWBYANL, but chapter 9 is currenly just sitting there half done. So, this random idea came to me one day and I decided to write a nice fluffly BL fic since L//P is being rammed down our throats. I hope you enjoy it (even though it's kinda random), and I'll try my best to get back into the swing of things.**

--

It had been a relatively quiet afternoon for once in Brooke Scott's life. Her meeting got out earlier than expected and that gave her a chance to quickly run to the store and pick up a few things for dinner. Marriage and motherhood certainly didn't domesticate her, but she learned from Karen how to make a few meals without sending anyone to the hospital for food poisoning, e-coli or even salmonella.

"Alright, so I just…stick this in here for…" Brooke mumbled to herself as she tried her best to decipher Karen's handwriting. "Forty-five minutes? It takes that long to cook?"

"Are you talking to yourself again?" a little giggling voice broke her thoughts, tugging on her pant legs to get her full attention. "See, Billy, I told you mommy's crazy."

Brooke threw the meat into the oven and peered down at her daughter, placing her hands on her hips when she watched her mumble something to her imaginary friend. "Okay, and you think I'm crazy? Who are you talking to, sweetie?"

"Billy."

"Well, where is he?"

"Only I can see him, duh," Olivia rolled her eyes, letting out a tiny squeal when Brooke playfully whacked her with the dish towel slung over her shoulder. "When is daddy gonna be home? Billy has a question."

"Can't he ask me?" Brooke feigned offence, lifting her look-a-like daughter onto the counter so she wouldn't have to keep looking down. "Or is it a guy question? Is Billy going through puberty?"

Olivia shook her head, her long brown hair flying wildly back and forth. "Billy is an old man, mommy! He just wants to know where babies come from!"

Brooke's mouth dropped open and she tried to handle the situation as quickly as possible. That was the one question Brooke and Lucas had been dreading ever since her birth five years ago. "Baby, if he's an old man he should know where babies come from."

"He doesn't."

"Tell him to ask his grandchildren then," Brooke laughed to herself, stirring the vegetables as Olivia pouted and crossed her arms. "What did I tell you about pouting, Liv? One of these days your face is gonna get stuck like that and it's gonna be awfully hard to suck face with someone when your bottom lip's stuck."

"Mommy, you're so gross!" Olivia whined, pinching Brooke's hands before they could come in contact with her stomach. "Okay, I told a fib, mommy. Billy knows where babies come from and when I asked him, he told me to ask you! How did I get here?"

Taking a deep breath, Brooke stole a quick look at the clock and began to cuss Lucas out in her head for not coming home early for once. "Well, daddy and I went to the baby store and there you were in the middle aisle…looking all cute and then we took you home, the end. Do you want potatoes or corn for dinner?"

"Neither," the little girl shook her head with a frown. "I want to know where babies come from!"

"You can't have that for dinner," Brooke winked, whimpering when Olivia gave her an icy glare she picked up from her some years ago. "Oh, baby, please, I can't explain this to you just yet. Ask me again in three years."

"Edna Jones' mommy is pregnant and-"

"You go to school with someone named, Edna?" Brooke interrupted, raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow when Olivia nodded. "Is she like eighty?"

"Six!" Olivia shrieked.

"Oh, eighty six? She must be really dumb if she's still kindergarten."

"Mommy, stop it!"

Brooke held her hands up in defense, only to have Olivia's tiny hands grab them and twist them back and forth until she stopped laughing. "Stop what?"

"Just stop talking!" Olivia commanded, huffing and puffing when Brooke finally stopped laughing and sobered up. "Now as I was saying! Edna Jones' mommy is pregnant with her baby sister and, and the baby is growing inside of her stomach so you can't just go to the store and buy a baby, mommy! So, where do they come from?"

Silence.

"Brooke Penelope Scott! Will you answer my question?"

"You told me to stop talking, baby," Brooke teased with a wink, taking Olivia into her arms when she started whining and knew this was really getting to her. She rubbed Olivia's back comfortingly and smiled when she inhaled the soft scene of her tear-free shampoo. "Alright, you caught me in a lie, Liv. Babies don't come from the store…they grow inside mommy's stomach."

"I knew that," Olivia whispered, scowling when Brooke pulled her thumb out of her mouth. Lucas was convinced their daughter was going to need braces by the time she was ten if she kept her bad habit and forced minor discipline each time they caught Olivia chewing on her left thumb. "How do the babies get here?"

Brooke closed her eyes and sat Olivia back down on the counter. She could go the birds and the bee's route, explaining how the daddy plants a seed and all that jazz. Vetoing that, the brunette took a deep breath and decided to off on a tangent about the sacrifices she made in order to have a child.

"…and I couldn't have alcohol for nine months!" Brooke threw her hands in the air, shuddering at all the nights she watched Lucas enjoy a beer with dinner. "I also couldn't do any heavy lifting and I got tons of hideous stretch marks."

"What are those?" Olivia asked curiously, suddenly very interested in what her mother was yapping about. "Daddy says that's the reason why you don't wear bikinis anymore."

"Does he really?" Brooke's eyes widened in surprised. "Well, then, daddy's gonna wish he never said that later on when I get through with him."

Much to Brooke's happiness, Lucas pulled up in the driveway before Olivia asked to see the faded marks that were still visible on her stomach. She quickly slid down Brooke's body and ran to the front door, nearly knocking Lucas over when he opened the door, dropping his briefcase to catch her in his arms.

"Daddy, I have a question!"

"Nice to see you too," Lucas joked, kissing Olivia's forehead when she mumbled it was nice to see him too. Brooke skipped into the living room with a big dimply smile, anticipating seeing Luke's reaction to Olivia's question.

"Hi, Broody," Brooke's voice was a pitch higher, hugging him tight when he leaned in for a kiss, ignoring their daughter's gagging sounds. "Enjoy this moment while it lasts because in the next minute, you might have a heart attack."

"Why?"

"Daddy, where do babies come from?" Olivia immediate asked, throwing her arms around Lucas' neck when he stumbled in his step.

Lucas pulled at his necktie, settling Olivia down to his feet when he felt the beads of sweat forming on his forehead. "W-why don't you ask mommy?" The death glare Brooke was currently sending him made him realize there would be no sex tonight.

Damn.

"I don't understand!" Olivia jumped up and down in annoyance. "It's not that hard of a question! How does a baby get into a mommy's stomach?!" Adding to her small tantrum, she stomped up the stairs in a huff, making an effort to slam her bedroom door to let her parents know she was mad.

--

"Well, what are we supposed to do?" Brooke squeaked, helping Lucas load the dishes into the dishwasher. Olivia refused to talk to them at dinner and even refused when Brooke offered her ice cream instead of meatloaf.

"I think we should tell her the truth," Lucas concluded, stretching his arms above his head as Brooke pouted into his chest. "We lie to her about this God knows what she'll do when she finds out the truth."

Brooke reluctantly agreed, following Lucas as he led them up the stairs. "But, Luke she's five!" she now tried to argue as they made their way up to Olivia's room. She was desperate to talk her husband out of this; she didn't want to explain how a baby is conceived with all other questions Olivia's little mind had. "I'm willing to live with her rebelling and naming our grandchildren Snow, Fallulah, Shaniqua or whatever!"

"Fallulah?" Lucas shook his head with a laugh. "Is that even a name?"

"It is to me!"

"And Shaniqua? She might as well call it food stamp."

"Stop quoting that damn movie!" Brooke hissed, sending a glare that could make any grown man quiver.

"It will be fine," Lucas assured her with a quick kiss, rubbing her arms when she whimpered into his chest. "We'll just be in trouble if she asks where she was conceived."

"Yeah, on the kitchen table where you eat breakfast everyday," Brooke scoffed, closing her eyes as Lucas chuckled into her long hair. "I'm going with the immaculate conception if she even dares to ask that. You know she will."

"Oh, I know," Lucas agreed with a shudder, grabbing Brooke's hand as he opened the door to their daughter's room and held onto the tiny bit of hope Olivia had forgotten the question she asked at earlier. "Hey, baby, ready for bed?"

"Daddy," Olivia blushed, making a face when Lucas called her baby. "I am a young woman! I'm not a baby. And it's still light out!"

"Right…" Lucas mumbled, pulling Brooke down when she continued to pout with her arms against her chest. He knew was going to be in this alone. "So, are you talking to us now?"

"Words are coming out my mouth, aren't they?"

Olivia was definitely Brooke's daughter.

"Hey," Brooke warned, tapping the little girl's shoulder. "Watch your mouth."

"Sorry," Olivia apologized, looking down at her feet. "Did you forget my question?"

"What question?" Lucas pretended to play dumb, elbowing Brooke when she rolled her eyes. "Did you hear her ask a question, Brooke?"

"No," Brooke replied almost mechanically, trying to hold in her laugh as Olivia's face widened with shock. "I think you're lying, Livvie."

"You guys!" Olivia whined, stomping her foot when they continued to sit on the bed and shake their heads. "I asked where babies came from!"

Lucas placed his head in his hand, peering down at his daughter when she tugged on his arm until their gaze was locked on one another. "What made you think to ask this question, sweetie?"

"Because! Edna Jones' mommy is pregnant with her baby sister."

"You go to school with a girl named, Edna?"

"That's what I said!" Brooke got excited, pulling Olivia into her lap when she pouted and looked like she was about to cry. "Oh, baby, you really want us to answer this question, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Alright," Brooke sighed, eyeing Lucas as he tried to sit back. "Give me your Barbie's."

"What are you doing?" Lucas asked, jumping a bit when Olivia practically forced Ken into his large hands. "Please don't tell me-"

"Okay, so, when two people are in love," Brooke began nervously, her voice cracking in embarrassment when she made Ken and Barbie kiss. "They get married and decide they want to have a baby."

Catching her drift, Lucas took a turn and made the two plastic dolls lay side by side on his lap, getting distracted when Olivia laughed. "So, now that Ken and Barbie-"

"That's Skipper!" Olivia rolled her eyes, snatching the Barbie imposter and replacing her with the real one. "I don't think Barbie would appreciate Ken marrying her little sister!"

"Oh, does it make a difference? They both look the same!"

"Actually," Olivia began snootily. "Barbie's much better looking! Sheesh, daddy, there is no need to get angry."

"Alright, can we focus?" Brooke snapped with a sweet smile, standing Barbie and Ken up on her thighs. "Since they both want a baby…"

Lucas shut his eyes, knowing he was going to get so much crap for this if Nathan ever found out about this. "Barbie," he began in a deep voice. "Let's have a baby."

"Oh, Ken," Brooke mimicked in an extremely high voice, actually impressing Olivia a bit with her Barbie impression. "I thought you'd never ask!"

"Now what?" Lucas hissed in Brooke's hair, watching out of the corner of his eyes as Olivia clapped her hands excitedly.

"Make them kiss," Brooke hissed back, smacking Barbie into Ken, making Lucas curse as the doll's head collided with his fingers.

"I think I get it now!" Olivia stood up, much to Brooke and Lucas' relief. "So, if you want a baby, you just kiss?"

Brooke whimpered, shaking her head back and forth. "No, baby…you see…boys have different parts than girls-"

"Yes, all you do is kiss!" Lucas interjected, pulling the back of Brooke's shirt when she tried to protest. "Now that Ken and Barbie shared a passionate night of…kissing, the baby will stay in her stomach for nine months."

"Wow, that long?

"Yep," Brooke said with a tight lipped smile. She grabbed the baby lingering at her feet and awkwardly stuffed it up Barbie's shirt, pausing for a dramatic effect. "Okay, so it's been nine months and viola! Barbie and Ken are the proud parents of-"

"Barbie's baby sister?!" Olivia screeched. "Mommy! You've got it all wrong! Barbie and Ken can't be Krissy's mommy and daddy!"

"Well they're going to be," Brooke responded in an overly calm voice, satisfied when Olivia held onto Lucas' arm in fear. "Do you think you've got the hang of it?"

"I think so," Olivia beamed proudly, giggling when Brooke and Lucas breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "If I want a baby I just have to kiss a boy?"

"No, no," Lucas laughed nervously. "You have to be married," he gestured to the rings on their fingers and continued on. "Once you're married, when you're 35, then you can kiss all you want and have a baby. Got it?"

"Got it!"

Olivia smiled widely as she watched her parents share a quick kiss, squealing in utter excitement when they looked at her in confusion. "Does this mean I'm going to be a big sister?!"

"What?" Brooke asked weirdly, her eyes widening when she realized what Olivia had just asked. "Oh, no, no…see you have to be kissing on top of each other to have a baby…with…with no clothes on."

"Ew," Olivia made a face, lifting Brooke's shirt to admire the stretch marks. "Did I do that to you, mommy?"

"Yes," Brooke replied shortly, moving her daughter's fingers away when they came in contact with her skin. "Don't you dare count how many are there either."

"So, are you all set?" Lucas asked hopefully, smiling when Olivia nodded. "Are you ready for bed then?"

"I just have one more question," Olivia interrupted when they placed the covers over her, waiting until they both looked down at her. "If you get a baby by kissing on top of each other with no clothes on, then what is sex?"

Brooke let out a loud gasp as she held on to Lucas' arm, burying her face into his shoulder as Olivia pressed on, claiming Billy wanted to know.

They could never win with Olivia, no matter how hard they tried.


End file.
